Dan vs Equestria
by Christopherus1
Summary: Turns out half of the planet earth is actually Equestria! And Dan HATES My Little Pony! So he got a lot of revenge to do on different ponies all across Equestria! (I will use the classic characters here, so if I am talking about Twilight, for example, I mean unicorn Twilight.) (Feel free to wish for any canon MLP character to feel Dan's revenge! Just write it into the reviews.)
1. Dan vs Equestria

**DAN VS.**

Dan was sitting on his couch, zapping through the TV channels. „Why isn't there anything interesting on today?" He then zapped to a news channel. „Huh. News are always good. So let's watch that."

Now the newsman was talking: _„I am sure you all remember that little girls show 'My Little Pony-Friendship Is Magic' ha ha... I really like to watch it."_

„My Little Pony!?" Dan shouted „I hate this show! It's, as the newsman said, for little girls! I don't understand why adult people are watching this!"

The newsman continued: _„Turns out the world of Equestria is actually real!" _

„What!?" Dan shouted.

„_That's right!"_ the newsman said _„It seems like one half of our planet is actually Equestria! Princess Celestia was holding up a shield for thousands of years that made us think this half of the planet was completely normal, with human civilization, and made the ponies on the other hand not see us and our side of the planet, so they thought Equestria covered everything. Well, now we know it isn't, and humans and ponies alike already begin to make friendships between each other! Isn't that great?"_

„No, it isn't!" Dan shouted even louder than before „Where is the border between our side and the Equestria-Side?"

The newsman magically gave the answer: _„The border between the two halves seems to go straight through Los Angeles..."_

The TV was destroyed by a brick, thrown by Dan. He then looked outside to see that his house was directly at the border to Equestria, and that the house across the street was a giant library tree now. „It's time for a little revenge marathon!" Dan talked to himself before stretching out his fist into the sky:

„EEEQUESTRIIIAAA!"

**DAN**

**VS.**

**Equestria**

Coming soon


	2. Dan vs Rarity

**DAN VS.**

Dan walked around in a circle, thinking about his revenge on Equestria, which had appeared next to his house, but he didn't know where to start. „Meh, maybe some TV will give me an idea..." So Dan turned on his TV, which was magically repaired since he throwed a brick into it. Suddenly, someone was knocking on the door, and Dan opened: „Oh great, it's one of these ponies" he rolled his eyes.

Right in front of Dan was a white unicorn with a curled purple mane: „Oh my, how do you look? I just HAVE to come in! We have to do something about your clothes!" The unicorn changed Dan's clothes into a pink dress and continued: „Oh, and these rings under your eyes! You whole face looks terrible!"

„Wait, what are you doing?" Dan asked as he saw that the unicorn came with some make-up. „Wait, no! I refuse to wear this! Why did I even let you put me on a pink dress? NOOO!"

5 minutes later the unicorn was finished and Dan looked beautiful... which he didn't like.

„Grrrrrrrrrr... Now I know exactly where to start!" Dan shouted.

„Start with what?" the unicorn asked.

Dan answered: „With my revenge on Equestria! Say, how's your name?"

The unicorn responded: „My name is Rarity. I am the most generous pony in all of Equestria and the latest in fashion! You should really visit..."

„RAAARIIITYYY!"

**DAN**

**VS.**

**Rarity**

* * *

„Get out!" Dan shouted as he kicked Rarity out of his house. He then called his friend Chris. „Come on, Chris, get on the phone... What takes you so long? What kind of a friend lets his friend wait on the phone? GET ON THE PHONE, OR YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!"

That moment Chris got on the phone: „Hi Dan. What is it this time?"

„Finally!" Dan shouted „I need you to come over to my place and get me out of this embarrassing pink dress!"

„Wait, you are wearing a pink dress?" Chris giggled.

Dan shouted at him: „THIS IS NOT FUNNY! THAT RARITY-UNICORN WILL PAY!"

„Wait wait wait..." Chris interrupted „Rarity? Like Rarity from My Little Pony?"

„Yeah, you know her?"

„Uh, well, kind of... I am a huge MLP-Fan..."

„YOU TRAITOR!" Dan shouted „You have joined the enemy forces! We are no longer friends! We are done!"

Chris answered: „Uh, you do know that as an MLP-Fan I can give you important information about Rarity and every other pony of Equestria? Besides, you need me to get out of that dress."

„Fine, come over here right now." Dan said and hung up.

* * *

In the meanwhile at Chris's and Elise's house, Chris now hung up as well. He went to the living room, where Elise was watching TV, and asked her: „Uh, honey, I am going to Dan..."

„What is it this time?" Elise asked without looking away from the TV screen.

Chris answered: „It's Equestria, Rarity in particular. You know I would love to go there! Can I? Please?"

„Sure. Have fun." Elise answered. So Chris left the house to drive to Dan.

* * *

Ten minutes later Chris arrived.

„What took you so long?" Dan asked „Get me out of this dress!" So Chris helped Dan getting out, and Dan put his normal clothes back on. „Give me 5 minutes" Dan said „have to get rid of that make-up..." He went into the bathroom and came back out looking normal again.

„I know it was my idea" Chris said „but do I HAVE to help you against Rarity? I actually like her."

„Yes, you have!" Dan answered „You are my source of information! So, how can we hurt her?"

„Well, she runs a fashion establishement, so you would be good with destroying her work..." Chris said.

„Great!" Dan said excited „Lets get the explosives..."

„I didn't mean to blow it up!" Chris shouted in fear „Listen, Rarity has a cat. The cat is really easy to upset, so you could manipulate her in destroying the dresses."

„Great, lets go." Dan said „You are driving." The two friends left the house to visit Rarity.

* * *

When they arrived, they were hiding in the bushes, waiting for Rarity to leave her house. And as she did, Dan and Chris sneaked in and found the cat. Dan tapped the cat on the shoulder just to receive a lot of scratches on his whole body: „Ouch! Normally I would kill you for that, you stupid cat! But my plan includes you following me, so..." Dan ran to one of the dresses Rarity made, followed by the angry cat. He then ducked, and the cat missed him and attacked the dress, which was now destroyed. Dan repeated it on all the dresses, and when he was finished, he talked to Chris: „Okay, lets leave before Rarity comes back..." But the two forgot about the cat, who was still angry and attacked both Dan and Chris until Rarity came back just to see the destroyed dresses and Dan and Chris in the middle of it.

„Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" Rarity shouted „My dresses! I guess you thought you can destroy me just by destroying my dresses! I see my cat proved you wrong! You two will never ever set a foot into my shop ever again! Oh dear, I have to make new dresses, thank goodness I still have my materials..." But before Rarity started to make new dresses, she first kicked out Dan and Chris.

„Great, now Rarity hates me!" Chris cried.

Dan interrupted him: „Shut up. We have to destroy her materials so she can't make any more dresses. Obviously, the cat isn't an option anymore..." Dan thought for a moment and then said: „Lightbulb! Chris, you can go. Meet me tonight at midnight, right here!"

* * *

Later, at midnight, Dan and Chris met in the bushes again, this time in black burglar suits.

„So here's the plan" Dan explained silently „We break in into her house and steal all her materials and any new dresses she made." Dan then was throwing a grappling hook on a rope on top of the roof, and the two friends climbed up the rope onto the roof. Dan then put the grappling hook on himself and made a hole into the roof with a circular saw. „Now hold the rope while I am going in." Dan explained and jumped through the hole into the house. He took all the materials and the new dresses and put them in two bags. „Okay, Chris, lift me up again!" Dan said, and Chris lifted Dan up.

Just a few seconds later, Rarity, who was sleeping in the shop, woke up and shouted: „Gasp! Oh no! My materials! How am I supposed to make new dresses now? I am going bankrupt! There is just one thing to do..."

„Yes! Yes!" Dan said excited as he heard what Rarity said.

Then Rarity continued: „I have to make some calls to get new materials!" And with that Rarity was going to her phone.

„Aw come on!" Dan shouted. He and Chris left the roof.

„Any other weaknesses?" Dan asked Chris.

Chris answered: „Well, she refuses to wear bad dresses on her own, and I MEAN refuse! If you could put her into a terrible dress, you could break her..."

„Perfect!" Dan said „How good are you at making dresses?"

„Besides of the fact I never made a dress before?" Chris asked.

That answer was good enough for Dan: „Here, take the materials. I want a terrible dress until tomorrow night!"

* * *

The next day there wasn't anything interesting happening. Dan was sitting on the couch watching TV all day, until Chris knocked on his door in the evening. Dan let him in, and Chris showed the dress he made: „Behold the most terrible dress the world has ever seen!"

„But... it's just my clothes with some patches everywhere" Dan said.

Chris responded: „But Rarity will look like the horror with human clothes, especially when they have patches."

„That is not good enough" Dan thought for a moment while looking into the room, until he saw some scissors. He took them and said: „Now it will be good enough!"

* * *

Later that night, Rarity began to feel uncomfortable while she was sleeping. Suddenly she woke up and saw no one, but she felt weird. So she lighted up a candle and walked to a mirror to take a look at herself: „Oh my gosh! These clothes! They totally don't fit my style! And who in all of Equestria cut off my mane!? It is the horror! Of all the worse things that could have happened, this is THE! WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!" Rarity ran around her shop while crying, which meant she didn't see where she was running, so she ran over the candle, which set the whole shop on fire! As Rarity was able to stop crying, she saw her shop in ruins. „NOOOOO! What have I done?"

That moment Dan shouted from outside: „That is what happens when you put me in a pink dress! Never mess with Dan!" Then he ran away.

Rarity didn't know anything else to do now than to stretch a hoof into the sky and shout:

„DAAAAAAAAAAAN!"


	3. Dan vs Applejack

**DAN VS.**

It was another normal day. Dan sat on his couch, watching his favorite TV show „The adventures of Population Control Johnny", when a sound from the outside disturbed him. It sounded like someone was bucking trees repeatedly. After the tenth time Dan ran to the window and shouted out loud: „Keep it down, you jerks!" Just now he looked for the source of the sound, and spotted an applefarm nearby... on the Equestria-Side!

„I am sorry!" an orange pony with blonde mane and a cowboy hat shouted back, but just because of the distance „But I can't just stop bucking these apples! I have to sell them to keep up the farm!"

„And that can't wait!?" Dan asked.

The pony shouted: „No, I am sorry! By the way, I am Applejack!"

So the bucking continued... and continued... and continued...

At night, when Dan tried to sleep, he wasn't able to do that because of the repeated bucking sound! „Grrrrr... How many apple trees are on that farm!?" And the next time he heard the sound, he had enough! He stretched out his fist into the sky:

„AAAPPLEEEJAAACK!"

**DAN**

**VS.**

**Applejack**

* * *

Dan got out of the bed and called Chris.

Chris on the other hand was sleeping, because it was night. But as his phone rang, Chris woke up and got on the phone just to be greeted by Dan with: „I can't sleep! This Applejack-girl is driving me crazy!"

„And because of that you have to wake me up, too?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „Of course! I need you as an information source! What do you know about her?"

Chris answered: „Oh, if that is all you want: Applejack lives on a farm together with her big brother Big Macintosh, her little sister Applebloom and Granny Smith. The family needs the apples on the applefarm to live. I hope you can make some ideas out of it, as long as they don't include me for tonight..."

„Yeah, I already have some ideas in my head!" Dan said „They include you..."

„Good night, Dan!" Chris interrupted and hung up.

„Fine. I can also do it alone" Dan talked to himself angrily „Stupid Chris..."

* * *

1 hour later Dan arrived with the car at the applefarm, in a burglar suit. „Plan A: Stealing all the apples from the farm!" So Dan did exactly that: He took every single apple he found and put them all together into his car. He then drove back home and took the apples with him into the house. „Mr. Mumbles!" Dan called his pet cat „I brought you something to eat!"

The next morning Dan looked out of his window to see the reaction of the apple family.

„Oh no!" Applejack shouted „all the apple are gone!"

But then Granny Smith interrupted her: „Oh, it's okay. For cases like this I always have some emergency apples in store. We can still sell them."

„WHAT?" Dan shouted.

Just that moment someone knocked on the door, and Chris came in: „Hi Dan! How is your revenge going?"

„Not good." Dan answered „I stole all the apples, but that Granny-Smith-Grandma has an emergency storage!"

„But" Chris said „if you stole all the apples from the trees, it means you already don't hear these bucking sounds anymore, even if it's just temporary, until the next apples are coming..."

„It's about the principle!" Dan said „I have to destroy that apple family and their applefarm! So when I put plan A into action, I already prepared for plan B!"

„And what exactly is plan B?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „I can't tell you that, you wouldn't like it." In that moment there was something moving in refridgerator.

„What was that?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „Nothing! Shut up!"

„Are you holding someone prisoner in there?" Chris asked angrily.

„Nooooo?" Dan answered.

Chris opened the refridgerator to see Applebloom in there: „S-s-so c-cold! That bad guy with black messy hair kidnapped me!"

„Whose hair is messy!?" Dan shouted at her.

Chris shouted back: „Dan!"

„Fine, I kidnapped Applejack's little sister so I can call her and demand to get whatever I want! They HAVE to quit the farm if they want this Applebloom-kid back!"

„Uh, I think you forgot something..." Chris tried to say, but Dan already called Applejack's number.

„Hello, here speaks the unknown kidnapper!" Dan said „I kidnapped your beloved Applebloom!"

Applejack on the other end was shocked: „You kidnapped Applebloom!? Please, don't hurt her!"

„Oh, I won't hurt her as long as I get what I want" Dan answered „And I want you to close your stupid applefarm and move... I don't know... into another pony-town! I also want..."

„Wait" Applejack realized „Aren't you that Dan-guy from the earth-side?"

„That's what I was trying to tell you..." Chris said. That moment someone knocked down Dan's door!

It was Applejack! „I'll show you not to mess with Applejack!" So Dan got the biggest beating he ever had. „Come on, Applebloom, we are going home!"

As the two left Dan's house, Dan shouted after them: „ I will show YOU not to mess with ME!"

„Uh, and how will you do that?" Chris asked.

Dan shouted: „Applejack has gone too far! Now she and her whole family will pay! It's time for plan X!"

„You mean explosives?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „Yes, which is why I will trap you in my refridgerator to keep you from keeping me from using them!"

So five minutes later Chris was trapped in Dan's refridgerator, and Dan had left the house to install the explosives on the farm.

* * *

After 1 hour Dan arrived, and another hour later he was finished installing the explosives.

„Goodbye, Applejack!" Dan said before blowing up the farm.

Fortunately, everypony survived, but Granny Smith was badly hurt.

„Granny Smith!" Applejack shouted „We have to bring her into the hospital!"

„Yes!" Dan said „As long as the old lady is in hospital and the farm is destroyed, Applejack won't be able to catch up on her work. Oh sweet victory!"

* * *

One month later

Granny Smith was fine again and the farm was rebuilt. Applejack had returned to bucking the apples, while Dan was trying to sleep, once again disturbed by the sounds: „Aw come on!"


	4. Dan vs Fluttershy

**DAN VS.**

Dan was once again sitting on the couch, watching TV while petting his cat Mr. Mumbles, as a rabbit jumped through the window and destroyed his toaster! „Hey! Where did that rabbit come from!?" Dan shouted, but then he realized the rabbit was followed by all sorts of other different animals, and soon Dan's whole apartement was full with animals which destroyed everything!

„WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS CHAOS!?" Dan shouted.

Then he saw a yellow pegasus with long, pink mane whispering something he didn't understand, but the animals stopped destroying Dan's apartement and left again.

„Oh, I am so sorry!" the pony whispered „I don't know why the animals were so upset."

„So they are YOUR animals?" Dan shouted.

The pegasus whispered: „Well, uh, yes but..."

„NOW LISTEN!" Dan shouted „If you or one of your stupid animals breaks just one more thing, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY! Did you understand me, uh...?"

„Fluttershy" the pony whispered „And I understood. I will leave you alone now..."

But that moment Fluttershy slipped on a banana peel and fell out of the window, onto Dan's car, leaving behind a bump.

„My car!" Dan shouted.

Fluttershy just whispered: „Oh, my..."

That was it! Dan stretched out his fist into the sky:

„FLUTTERSHYYYYY!"

**DAN**

**VS.**

**Fluttershy**

* * *

„This Fluttershy-girl will get some rough revenge for destroying my car!" Dan shouted „Come on, Mr. Mumbles, let's go to..." But then he realized his cat was gone! „What!? She also took Mr. Mumbles!? That calls for the worst revenge I can think of! And I know exactly who can help me..."

* * *

Chris in the meanwhile was sitting in the living room of his house, playing a board game with his wife Elise, when his mobile phone rang. The picture on the screen showed Dan. Chris rolled his eyes and answered the call: „Hello Dan. What can I help you with this time?"

„I need information about Fluttershy!" Dan said.

Chris was confused: „What? What could she possibly have done to you?"

„She destroyed my car! Give me information!" Dan shouted more angrily now.

„I don't believe you" Chris answered „But fine: Fluttershy is a really kind pony..."

„Pah!" Dan interrupted.

But Chris continued: „...and very shy. She would probably do nothing against you, even if you would blow up her house WHICH DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD DO IT! But she is very good with animals..."

„Huh, that would explain why Mr. Mumbles is with her now..." Dan thought out loud.

Chris answered: „Yeah, animals are the one thing that are important to Fluttershy. That is her weakest point. But I have to warn you: Never, NEVER make Fluttershy angry! You will regret it, trust me."

„Thanks, Chris!" Dan answered „Would you mind if you could help me with something?"

Chris looked over to Elise. Elise sighed: „Go."

Chris answered to Dan: „ I am on my way!"

* * *

Ten minutes later he arrived at Dan's house and knocked on the door. Dan let him in.

Chris was worried when he saw that Dan had two big bags in his hands.

He asked Dan: „Uh, what are the bags for?"

Dan answered: „I'll tell you tonight, when we visit Fluttershy's cottage..." He had an evil grin on his face.

* * *

Later, at night, Dan and Chris arrived at Fluttershy's cottage, and Dan explained: „Now we both take a bag and capture her animals! And I mean ALL of them, Chris!"

„I don't like that idea..." Chris answered.

Dan responded: „Shut up, do it."

So 3 hours later the two friends captured every animal and took the two bags back to Dan's house.

* * *

The next morning Fluttershy woke up just to see that all her animals disappeared!

„Oh my! Don't worry, Fluttershy, they are not gone, they have just gone on an adventure! I should call them back..." So Fluttershy took a deep breath and whispered silently „Come here, come here, my lovely animals!"

It was no use, and Fluttershy realized she would never be able to shout loud enough, when Pinkie Pie came along: „Hey Fluttershy! Where are your animals? Are they on an adventure?"

„I fear they are lost." Fluttershy whispered „And I can't scream loud enough to call them back..."

„Oh, let me do that!" Pinkie Pie offered and didn't wait for an answer. She shouted: „AAANIIIMAAALS! COME OUT! FLUTTERSHY IS VEEERYYY WORRIED ABOUT YOU! GREETINGS, PINKIE!"

* * *

The message arrived easily at Dan's house, so Dan woke up and said angrily: „Who the hell is shouting so loud at that time!?" Then he realized the animals escaped back to Fluttershy when they heard the message! And Mr. Mumbles, who was captured with the others, ran back with them!

„Mr. Mumbles! Wait!" Dan tried to get his cat, but he was too late. „Aw, come on!"

Dan took out his scribbling block and wrote the name „Pinkie" on the revenge list.

Then he called Chris again, who answered the call and said: „Dan, I am still in bed, what do you want?"

„The animals escaped, and Mr. Mumbles too! So I will go to Fluttershy again and turn them against her!"

„Yeah yeah, that sounds great" Chris answered „Can't you do that alone?"

„Of course I can! I just wanted to tell you the plan!"

„Why?"

„Because shut up that's why!"

„Good luck, Dan." Chris hung up.

* * *

1 hour later Dan arrived at Fluttershy's cottage once again. Luckily Fluttershy was inside, so Dan could start with his plan: „Hey, little animals! Before you attack me, I want to tell you why I put you into bags and stole you. You know, that Fluttershy-girl is not good for you! She says mean things about you behind your back, and since Equestria and human world are living together now, Fluttershy took a job at the Mafia! I just wanted to give you a safe place! So, what do you say? Should we join together and destroy that stupid pegasus?"

For some reason, the animals believed Dan and ran into Fluttershy's cottage to hurt her.

„Yes! Everything is going as planned!" Dan grinned.

After five minutes of beating and a whispering Fluttershy, she finally shouted: „STOOOOOP! What is going on?"

After the animals told her everything about Dan stealing them and telling them wrong things about her, Fluttershy became angry and ran out of the cottage to find Dan, who wasn't hiding at all, he stood right in the front.

Fluttershy shouted: „DAN! You can do a lot of things with me, but when someone hurts and manipulates my dear animal friends, HE IS GOING DOWN!"

„Uh oh..."

* * *

5 minutes later Chris' phone rang, and Chris answered: „Yes, Dan?"

„I have a giant problem! I made Fluttershy angry and now I am running for my life!"

„That's not my problem." Chris answered „I told you you would regret it." He hung up again.

* * *

„Stupid Chris!" Dan talked to himself while he was still running and now didn't even get help from Chris.

He thought for a moment and then got the one idea that could turn everything around, but he only got this one chance since he wasn't able to run any longer.

Dan stopped and turned around: „STOP FOR ONE SINGLE MOMENT!"

Fluttershy stopped right in front of a puddle of water, but she was always ready to start running again: „Talk quick, you jerk!" Fluttershy shouted.

Dan answered: „Don't you see? You are a monster right now! Just look into that puddle! Would your animal friends like you like that?"

Fluttershy looked into the water puddle and saw exactly what Dan was trying to say. „You are right. I am a monster! I can't chase you anymore. I can't go back to my animal friends, or to my pony friends. I shall dig a hole here and be alone forever!" She started to cry.

„Yes, you should." Dan answered „Start digging..." And with that Dan turned around and walked back home with a big evil grin, leaving Fluttershy behind in the middle of nowhere.

„No one breaks my stuff!" Dan said as he picked up Mr. Mumbles on his way.


	5. Dan vs Pinkie Pie

**DAN VS.**

Dan came back home from a visit at Ninja Dave's cookie shop and noticed it was unnatural dark. Unfortunately, he had already closed the door, so he tripped over a lot of stuff until he found the light switch. He turned the lights on and was shocked: „AAAAAHHH!"

His whole apartement was a party room, decorated by Pinkie Pie, who was standing in the middle of the room, shouting: „SURPRISE! I am Pinkie Pie, and since you earth guys are new to me, I make a party for everyone of you! And today I am making a Dan-Party!"

„How do you know my name!?" Dan asked.

Pinkie Pie answered: „Oh, silly, I know everyone in Equestria and on earth! Are you ready for some fun?"

„NO!" Dan shouted „GET OUT!"

„Come on!" Pinkie insisted „we both know you like fun! Let's dance!"

And with that Pinkie Pie started to dance, destroying half of the apartement!

„What are you doing!?" Dan shouted „You are breaking my stuff!"

„Well, duh, that's what unicorns are for!" Pinkie answered „They always repair the broken stuff in the party room after the party! At least that's what Twilight does..."

And with that Pinkie Pie started to bounce around the room until Dan kicked her out of the window, which resulted in Pinkie Pie landing on Dan's car, completely destroying it!

„Weee! That was fun!" Pinkie said „We should do this again tomorrow!"

„NOOOOOOOOOO!" Dan shouted in fear,

„PIIINKIIIEEE PIIIEEE!"

**DAN**

**VS.**

**Pinkie Pie**

* * *

Dan called Chris. He answered the call: „Hey Dan. Why are you calling me? I thought Pinkie Pie was throwing a party for you by now..."

„You knew about the party!?" Dan shouted at his friend.

Chris answered: „Yeah, she told me yesterday at the 'Chris-and-Elise-party'"

„You know, nevermind" Dan said „because that's just it! She destroyed my apartement, and on top of that she completely destroyed my car!"

„Come on, you can't judge her for that!" Chris said „She's Pinkie Pie!"

„I don't care who she is, I WANT INFORMATION!" Dan shouted.

Chris answered: „ I'm sorry, but I can't help you very much on this one. Pinkie Pie has no weaknesses, all she cares about is fun and friends!"

„Oh, I will make something out of that" Dan grinned „But I need you. Bring scissors and explosives."

„But..." Chris tried to interrupt, but Dan already hung up. Chris sighed and started to do what Dan told him.

* * *

Little time later Chris arrived at Dan's house with scissors and explosives. Chris didn't have to come in because Dan was already outside with scissors and explosives as well.

„Before you ask, this is the plan:" Dan explained „We go to that Sugarcube Corner, find Pinkie Pie's party stuff and destroy it!"

Chris said: „I don't think that this will work because..."

„Shut up." Dan interrupted „Oh, and you are driving."

* * *

30 minutes later the two of them arrived at Sugarcube Corner. „What do you think?" Dan asked „is Pinkie Pie home?"

„I think not" Chris answered „She is probably preparing the 'Ninja-Dave-Party'..."

„Perfect!" Dan said, and the two of them entered the shop.

But before they were able to go upstairs, Miss Pie saw them and greeted: „Welcome! Are you interested in any cupcakes?"

Dan now seemed like he was about to explode! „IIIIIIIIII...

… love cupcakes!" Dan finished the sentence later upstairs while eating one of them. „These are the best cupcakes I've ever eaten in my life! Let's get the destuction started!" And with that, Dan and Chris used the scissors to destroy the decorations and the explosives to destroy the party cannon!

„Let's see what Pinkie Pie thinks about this..." Dan said, when he heard an „Ahem!" behind him.

Pinkie Pie was standing behind the two friends and said: „Well, I think I would be really upset if I wouldn't have a copy of all of this anywhere on my body. I forgive you this accident, friend!"

„This wasn't an accident!" Dan shouted „This was on purpose! And we are NO friends!"

„Well, I am your friend" Chris said.

Dan answered: „Shut up."

„But, but..." Pinkie Pie looked sad „but you HAVE to be my friend! Everyone is my friend!"

„_Seems like I just got a backup plan!_" Dan whispered to Chris and continued: „Well, I am not!"

Pinkie Pie was almost crying: „BUT..." then she became happy again „Oh, I will find a way to make you my friend! I promise! Until then, do you promise not to destroy my fun?"

„I promise." Dan lied.

Pinkie repeated angrily: „Do you PINKIE-PIE-PROMISE?"

That moment Chris whispered back to Dan: „_I know what you're going to say, but you have to know one thing: One doesn't simply break a Pinkie-Pie-Promise!_"

„Yeah yeah" Dan responded „ I DO Pinkie-Pie-Promise!"

„Okey dokey lokey!" Pinkie said and bounced away.

When she was gone, Dan said: „Come on, Chris, I have another plan! We have a lot of work to do..."

„Fine, I warned you." Chris responded.

* * *

Two days passed, and Pinkie Pie left her home in Sugarcube Corner to meet all her friends again! But something was different: No one wanted to have something to do with her, and when Pinkie talked to them, they just said things like „Pah!" or „Go away!" So the whole day passed, and in the evening Pinkie went back home, where she found Dan in her room upstairs.

Pinkie said: „Dan? What are you doing here? Have you decided to be my friend? Because this day was sooo not going great!"

Dan answered: „No, I am here to tell you why everyone hates you, including me and Chris! See, you may think you are funny and great and nice and all that, but it seems you now realized you are just an annoying clown for everyone. They never laughed WITH you, they always laughed AT you!"

„But... that can't be!" Pinkie cried.

In the meanwhile Dan got a flashback:

* * *

_Yesterday_

_Dan and Chris went to the town hall, and Dan took the liberty to use the lectern and speak into the microphone: „Citizen of Ponyville! I have to tell you some terrible stuff about Pinkie Pie!"_

„_What are you doing?" Chris asked._

_Dan responded: „Don't worry, I am just destroying Pinkie's life, nothing more..."_

„_WHAT?"_

_Dan then told the whole town of Ponyville stuff like „Pinkie is just so nice to everyone to get free stuff!" or „Pinkie is the most dangerous killer in the world! It starts with her being nice to you to get your trust, and then she kills you when you expect it the least!" The townsfolk became angry and began to hate and avoid Pinkie Pie..._

* * *

„Oh, it IS real!" Dan answered to Pinkie Pie. He acted like he was understanding her.

„So my whole life is a lie?" Pinkie became darker and her mane lost her volume. She fell on the ground and broke out in tears.

„I will leave you alone now..." Dan said and left.

But once he left Sugarcube corner, he grinned: „It is done! No one makes a party WITH buffet in MY house when I just went for Cookies!"

* * *

When Dan arrived back at home, he realized his apartement and - most importantly – his car were still destroyed! „Aw come on!"


	6. Dan vs Rainbow Dash

**DAN VS.**

After Dan had repaired the damage Pinkie Pie did to his house, he sat down on the couch, smiling happily. His car was still in repair (he brought the parts to the mechanic), but the fact that he was finally finished with the house repairs pleased him. Just as Dan wanted to turn on the TV, something crashed through the window into his apartement, destroying everything!

„Aw, come on!" Dan shouted. When the dust cleared, he saw that this something was actually a somepony!

„HEY!" Dan shouted „WHO ARE YOU THAT YOU THINK YOU CAN BREAK INTO MY HOUSE!"

„Hey, easy, Mr. Meanie!" the light blue pegasus with rainbow mane said „My name is Rainbow Dash, and I am the greatest flyer in all of Equestria! Well, it would have been awesome to find some new competition in you humans, if there would have been some kind of flying humans... Anyway, I didn't mean to crash into your house. I wanted to set a new personal record and wasn't able to stop fast enough. But you have to admit, that was a really cool entrance a few seconds ago, right?"

Then Rainbow Dash looked around the destroyed apartement and began to feel guilty: „Right?"

Dan's face turned red, and he raised both his fists into the air:

„RAAAIIINBOOOW DAAASH!"

**DAN**

**VS.**

**Rainbow Dash**

* * *

„Uh, hehe... I think I will go now..." Rainbow said unsure and left Dan's apartement slow and backwards on her hooves.

After she was gone, Dan called Chris.

Chris answered the call: „What's up, Dan?"

„WHAT'S UP!?" Dan shouted „YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S UP!? THIS STUPID RAINBOW DASH CRASHED RIGHT INTO MY HOUSE AND DESTROYED ALL MY WORK! THAT'S WHAT'S UP! I need information about her."

Chris rolled his eyes and explained: „Well, Rainbow Dash is the greatest flyer in Equestria..."

„Yeah, she mentioned that."

„... and flying is her life. She is responsible for the weather in Equestria, along with other ponies..."

Dan interrupted Chris: „Alright, that's enough for now! I already have a plan in mind. Meet me in 30 minutes at the Ponyville town hall."

„Uh, actually, I wanted to spend the day with Elise" Chris said „She invented some kind of device that can turn humans into ponies and ponies into humans, and she wanted to test it..."

„Perfect!" Dan smiled „Bring the device too!"

„But..." Chris said, but Dan hung up.

* * *

30 minutes later, Dan and Chris met at the Ponyville town hall. Chris brought the transformation device and Elise.

Dan pointed at Elise: „What is SHE doing here? I only asked you to bring the device!"

„And you thought I would let you alone with it?" Elise asked „You don't even know how it works!"

„I guess you have a point..." Dan sighed „So here's the plan: „We are calling all the pegasi who make the weather and tell them to make a storm over ponyville. We will tell them to aim the lightning at Rainbow Dash, and she will get cooked!"

„And where does the device come in?" Chris asked.

Dan answered: „Thanks to that thing we will be able to aim at Rainbow Dash ourselves!"

„Ah, I get it." Elise said „Here comes the pegasus transformation..." She turned the switch of the device at 'pegasus' and fired a beam at Dan and Chris, who transformed into pegasi!

„Okay, Chris, there they come" Dan pointed at the pegasi at the sky „Let's infiltrate them!"

So they both dashed up into the sky and arrived at the group of pegasi.

Dan said „Okay, everyone listen! Rainbow Dash said she wanted a challenge, so she asked for a storm over ponyville, every lightning aimed at her!" That seemed legit for the others.

5 minutes later Rainbow Dash was flying trough the town, as the sky became dark and cloudy.

„Huh?" Rainbow Dash said „Didn't I tell them to keep the sky free of clouds today?"

Then the first lightning hit the ground right next to her. „WHOA!"

Up in the clouds, Dan looked angrily at the pony who shot that lightning bolt: „You... the grey pony with the yellow mane... yeah you! Your crossed eyes are no excuse for bad accuracy! Don't miss her, hit her!"

„I'm sorry" Derpy said „I will try as good as I can to hit her!"

She shot another lightning bolt, but it hit Dan: „OUCH! As always, when you want something done right, you have to do it yourself! Chris, fire!"

So Chris and Dan, along with the other pegasi, started to aim all the lightning bolts at Rainbow Dash, who dodged them and fled , followed by the lightnings.

But then she had enough: She drifted up into the clouds to find the responsible pegasi. When she arrived, she asked: „What are you doing? Why are you shooting lightning at me?"

„That Dan-guy told us you wanted it!" Derpy said, pointing at an empty spot, where Dan and Chris were just moments ago.

„Wait, did you say 'Dan'?" Rainbow asked.

She got an answer from down below: „You will get your revenge, Rainbow Dash! I Pinkie-Pie-Promise!"

Rainbow realized in what trouble she was now: „Uh oh..."

* * *

„Are you going to use that promise more often now?" Chris asked Dan.

Dan answered: „Shut up! And Elise, you could have told us that the effect of the device is just temporary. It really hurts to fall 100 feet down to the earth, you know?"

Elise just said: „Oopsie. But hey, you really deserve it!"

Dan answered: „Again, shut up. Why did you invent this thing anyway?"

"Uh, I invented it just for Chris?" Elise lied. Because actually she invented it for upcoming secret agent missions.

"Aaalriiight" Dan said slowly, not really believing Elise "Chris, any other weaknesses?"

„Well, Rainbow's dream is to be in the Wonderbolts team one day..." Chris said.

Dan said: „Great, then we're going to destroy her dream! Guys, we will ask these Wonderbolts for a race against Rainbow Dash. We will tell them to win and then call Rainbow a loser for losing and tell her that she will NEVER be in the Wonderbolts-team! Muhahahaha!"

* * *

„What does that mean, you refuse to do that?" Dan asked when he, Chris and Elise talked with the Wonderbolts.

Spitfire answered: „Rainbow Dash is cool. She just needs some more time to train, then we will ask her for a membership. But we are definitely not destroying her life!"

„Fine, you jerks." Dan answered.

When Dan and his friends left, Chris said: „Well, we could ask the Shadowbolts. They will definitely do that! We just need to disguise them as the Wonderbolts..."

„Perfect!" Dan grinned.

* * *

The next day, Rainbow Dash was going through the Everfree Forest, when she suddenly met the Wonderbolts! „Gasp! You are the Wonderbolts! Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!"

„Yeah" one of the Wonderbolts said „How about a race?"

„Sure!" Rainbow answered.

„Alright!" Three, two, one, go!"

And so the race started. Rainbow lost.

„Seriously, you lost?" Another of the Wonderbolts said „You are such a loser! You will never be good enough to be a member of our team!"

„But... But..." Rainbow asked. She was almost about to cry, when she realized: „Wait a minute... I don't know any of you! You are not the Wonderbolts!" She removed the disguises „You are the Shadowbolts! Who hired you?"

„Oh, I am sure you know him" the third Shadowbolt said „his name is Dan..."

„DAN?" Rainbow Dash asked in shock „Oh my gosh, that guy is serious! I have to put an end to this!"

So Rainbow Dash started running, when she realized she was followed by someone... Dan!

„Stop right there, I am going to strangle you!"

Rainbow started flying, but Dan got her tail just before she got up into the sky.

Moments later he had climbed his way up to Rainbows back.

„GET OFF ME!" Rainbow shouted.

Dan responded: „NEVER!"

So Rainbow started to fly faster and faster, making it more difficult for Dan to stay on her back.

Finally, Rainbow was fast enough to perform a Sonic Rainboom! Dan now had a really hard time to stay on Rainbow's back, but when he got used to the speed, he slowly climbed his way forward, until he arrived at Rainbow's neck. He now put both his arms around Rainbow's neck. Rainbow noticed that and gulped. Suddenly, Rainbow crashed into Dan's house... again. It saved her from being strangled, but now Dan was even more angry than before!

„Okay, NOW you are going to die!" Dan shouted.

But Rainbow interrupted: „Wait wait wait! There is a reason I brought us back here! I want to make it all good again! So, what do you say? I will repair this whole house and you can go sit on the couch and watch TV!"

Dan thought about it for a moment, then he answered: „Okay."

* * *

1 week later, Rainbow Dash was finished repairing everything, making it look better than ever before!

„So, what do you say?" Rainbow asked „Are we even?"

Dan answered: „Almost..." He stood up from the couch and broke Rainbow Dash's wings „NOW we are even!"


	7. Twilight Sparkle vs Dan

**DAN VS.**

It was another, beautiful morning at the Equestria-side. Twilight got out of her bed and yawned.

„Another, beautiful day awaits me... Spike!" She shouted.

Spike woke up as well: „Uh, huh? What? Oh!" Spike jumped up „At your service!"

„Tell me everything I have on my list for today!" Twilight said.

Spike answered: „You don't have a list for today. You have finished everything neccessary. Maybe you could look for your friends again... You havent met them in weeks!"

„That's a great idea!" Twilight said happily.

* * *

So she left the house to visit her friends:

-Rarity's shop burnt down: „He was the devil in Person! He just was THE! WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!"

-Applejack's farm seemed okay, but Applejack said: „Could you please do something about this jerk of kidnapper, Twilight? I ask you because you are the most powerful unicorn I know, if you know what I mean?"

-Fluttershy's cottage empty, Fluttershy found in the middle of nowhere, hiding in a deep hole: „Don't look at me, I am a monster!"

-Pinkie Pie sitting in a corner, deep sad: „He doesn't want to be my friend... No one wants to! I am just a ridiculous clown! Go away, Twilight!"

-Rainbow Dash in hospital with broken wings: „Twilight! You have to do something about this excuse for a human! He broke my wings, on purpose, even though I repaired his whole apartement! I tell you, this Dan doesn't play fair at all!"

„A-HA!" Twilight shouted „So THAT is his name. Don't worry, Rainbow Dash, that human just made his worst enemy!" Angrily she raised her hoof into the sky:

„DAAAAAAAAAAN!"

**TWILIGHT SPARKLE**

**VS.**

**DAN**

* * *

Dan was sitting on his couch, watching TV and petting his cat, Mr. Mumbles, when someone knocked on the door repeatedly, until Dan opened: „Oh hi. Who are you?" he asked.

In front of Dan was Twilight, with a dead serious expression on her face: „I am Twilight Sparkle, your neighbor from across! You hurt my friends, and I am here to take revenge for it!"

Long pause.

Then Dan asked: „Wait, Twilight Sparkle? The one who lives in that tree across the street?"

„Yeah!" Twilight answered without any change in her expression.

„Good!" Dan said „I have you on my revenge list, too!"

„Wait what? Why do you want to take revenge on me? We haven't even met before!"

„Well, you live in a tree" Dan answered „That is ridiculous. By the way I hate trees... and you."

„Why do you hate ME?" Twilight asked.

Dan shouted: „I DON'T KNOW, I JUST HATE YOU! So, what do we do now? I mean, you want revenge, I want revenge... How do we settle this?"

„Epic... Boss... Battle..." Twilight said slowly and angry.

Dan answered: „I like that idea! Let us set the preparation time limit to 24 hours."

„Granted." Twilight said „See you tomorrow, jerk!"

With that, Twilight slammed Dan's door.

Now Dan called Chris, but he didn't answer the call, so Dan spoke on his mailbox: „WHERE ARE YOU, CHRIS! I NEED YOUR HELP, NOW! YOU WORTHLESS SCUM! YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE! ...If you get this, I am on my way to your house... It's Dan." He then left his apartement to visit Chris.

* * *

Twilight in the meanwhile was back at home: „SPIKE!"

Spike came down the stairs: „Yes, Twilight?"

„I am going to fight against Dan! Tell me his weaknesses!"

„Uh, I don't really know this guy..." Spike answered „But I know who you can ask about Dan's weaknesses!"

„Who?" Twilight asked.

Spike responded: „Do you remember Chris, one of the newest friends we made? When we visted him, he told us he is best friends with that Dan! He can tell us some weaknesses for sure!"

„You are right!" Twilight said „To Chris!" And with that, Twilight and Spike were on their way to Chris' house.

* * *

1 hour later, Dan arrived at Chris' home. As always, he hid in the bushes and knocked on the back window.

Chris opened it: „Hi, Dan, I got your message. I was buying food from the supermarket, sorry. Feel free to come in."

Dan got in through the window and came straight to the point: „So, what can I use against this unicorn Twilight Sparkle?"

„Well" Chris answered „with her magic, she is nearly unstoppable. But that is also the point: Elise was recently working on a power-drain-thingy that can drain someone's power and give it to you. So I already did you the service of stealing it. Here you go." He gave the device to Dan and then also gave him the human-pony-transformation device „I also got you the transformation device from your revenge against Rainbow Dash. Maybe you can use it..."

„Thank you, Chris. You are a really great friend." Dan answered.

He left the house through the front door, where he met Twilight, talking to Elise!

„Oh, hi Dan!" Elise said „I took the freedom of telling Twilight your weaknesses!"

„Aw come on!" Dan shouted „Aw, who cares, I am prepared! So lets get this battle started!"

„What?" Twilight asked „But the 24 hours aren't over yet..."

„Yeeeaaah, that was actually just an excuse to buy some time." Dan answered „Bring it on!"

He held the two devices in both his hands, ready to use.

„Fine!" Twilight shouted „I will beat you anyway, no matter if now or in 22 hours and 50 minutes..."

„That's what YOU think!" Dan grinned and aimed with the power-drain-device at Twilight.

When he started to fire, Twilight teleported around the beams, making it pretty difficult for Dan to hit her.

„Hold still!" Dan shouted „You make it very difficult for me to hit you!"

With the next teleport spell, Twilight stood right in front of Dan, nose to nose.

She grinned „Hi." and then shot Dan with a powerful beam of her horn.

Dan was cooked by that beam and became even more angry: „That's it! This time I hit you!" And he really did! He drained Twilight's magic and got her powers!

„Is that my power-drain-device?" Elise asked Chris.

Chris smiled awkwardly: „Yeah, I stole it. Sorry. Why do you have such a device anyway?"

„Just in case a supervillain shows up, so one of us can gain their powers and defeat them more easily!"

„Why should there a supervillain show up in our town?"

„Hey, you didn't suspect the dentist to be a supervillain as well!"

„True."

Twilight said to Dan: „You do know you just have a part of my magic? I can still block your magic with mine!"

„Not if I can help it" Dan answered and shot Twilight with the transformation device, transforming her from an unicorn into a pegasus!

Twilight gasped: „My horn! It's gone! And now I have wings instead? I don't even know how to fly!"

„Well, Twilight? What do you do now?" Dan grinned. He now started to use Twilight's magic against her, that means he shot her with magic beams coming out of his hands.

Twilight ran away, followed by Dan. She thought about a backup plan, and she got an idea!

„I have to reunite with my friends! But I can't do that with Dan on my back..." So she started to try flying, which looked very awkward on the first few tries, but then she got it... kind of. She was flying upside down now, BUT she was flying. So she started to gain more and more speed, until Dan lost her.

„Oh, great!" Dan said angrily „I should have transformed her into an earth pony... Oh well, she will come back..." And with that Dan sat down at the border of the street, waiting for Twilight's return.

* * *

Twilight in the meanwhile visited all her friends once again:

-„Rarity, stop crying, get out of these ruins and help me to convince Dan to repair this mess!"

-„Applejack, I need you in my fight against Dan! Follow me and Rarity!"

-„Fluttershy, you are not a monster! You did the right thing! So help me to do it too! Come on!"

-„Pinkie Pie, no one hates you! Dan cheated! He told everyone wrong things about you! He destroyed your fun!" Pinkie Pie: „WHAT! DAN! YOU... BROKE... PINKIE PROMISE!"

-„Rainbow Dash, I know your wings are still broken, but we need you in our fight against Dan! Follow us! I got a plan..."

* * *

Dan was waiting for two hours now. „Huh. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she doesn't come back... which would mean that I win..." He began to smile, but that smile vanished seconds later „Oh, no, there she comes..."

The camera now just shows the hooves of the mane six, walking into Dan's direction with epic background music! The camera then zooms out to reveal the six friends wearing the elements of harmony!

Chris, standing in the background together with Elise, told her: „The elements of harmony. Now Dan's done for."

„Oh wow, sweet jewelry!" Dan said „It really suits you. But do you really think you can beat me just because it is now 6 vs. 1?"

„No." Twilight answered „We think we can beat you because we are using the elements of harmony against you!"

„Elements of what?" Dan asked curiously.

The ponies began to perform their usual rituals: They were lifted up into the air, their elements glowing, and in front of the other five ponies, Twilight opened her white glowing eyes. A rainbow-banish-laser-thingy (?) began to form and aimed into Dan's direction.

Dan fired some of Twilight's magic at it, but he realized that he overestimated his new powers: He got caught in a rainbow tornado, which was supposed to banish him to the moon for 1000 years!

„Dan!" Chris shouted, in fear that he would lose his best friend.

But when the tornado finished its banishing ritual and disappeared, Dan was still there!

„Wait, what?" Chris and Twilight asked surprised.

Dan answered: „Aw, come on, did you think that would work on me? This is by far not my first time someone used magical elements to banish me."

„Wait, what?" Twilight asked again, this time confused.

Dan said: „Well, if you would know about my childhood... Oh, the good old times..." he daydreamed.

All the mane six were so shocked by that comment that their mouths dropped all the way down to the ground. Twilight then said: „Well, that explains a lot. Fine, we give up."

„For real?" Dan asked.

„Yeah" Twilight answered „Let us drink some milk about it." She offered him a glass of milk.

Dan took it „Well, I sure am a little thirsty after that fight..." So he drunk the milk and suddenly fell down to the ground, holding his belly in pain: „Aaaaaaaaaarg! Lactose! You monster! Call the ambulance!"

„Why should I do that?" Twilight asked angrily.

Dan answered: „Because shut up that's why!"

„No. If you turn everything back to normal and repair the damage you've done, then we will call the ambulance."

„Fine, fine! I'll do it! I just need ambulance!"

„Chris, call the ambulance." Twilight said to Chris.

* * *

3 days later Dan got out of the hospital and met Twilight and her friends outside.

„Now that you are okay again" Twilight said „It's time for your part of the deal..."

„What deal?" Dan asked.

Twilight answered: „Duh, you promised to clean everything up!"

„Oh, that..." Dan said „I never promised that. It was a lie."

Suddenly Pinkie Pie interrupted: „At this point, I once again want to draw your attention to the fact that you broke a Pinkie Pie Promise!" She sounded really angry „You can still make that good by cleaning everything up, or else..."

„Or else what?" Dan asked. Pinkie Pie took him on the throat with one hoof and suddenly grew a fireball in her other hoof, ready to fire it.

„Phh, fire?" Dan asked, not very impressed „I burn down houses at least once per week! How did you get that power anyway?"

„It doesn't matter!" Pinkie Pie said in a dark voice „And it's not THAT kind of fire..."

What Pinkie said, surprised Dan. Half respectfully, half in fear, he said: „Okay, easy, Pinkie! I changed my mind!"

„Okey Dokey Lokey!" Pinkie said excited, and Dan got to work.

* * *

He repaired everything he had destroyed, turned Twilight back into an unicorn and gave her her full power back. Then he apologized to the six ponies: „I am sorry. I didn't know you were that powerful! I... I will let you alone from now on. BUT everypony else will get their revenge sooner or later! It's just that I will except you from them."

„Seems okay to me..." Rainbow Dash said.

Applejack continued: „Well, if ya can't live without taking revenge... But take it easy on them! Otherwise, we will come back!"

„Oh my gosh, no! I promise! This time for real!" Dan shouted in shock. „I... I think I'm gonna go now. I'm gonna miss my favourite show." And with that, Dan left the mane six.

„Dan is on a good way" Twilight said „Maybe someday we can reform him to let things go and never take revenge on anything ever again..."

Suddenly she heard Dan shouting from the distance: „DEEERPYYY HOOOOOVES!"

„... but until then, it is a long way..." she sighed.


End file.
